Diary of a lockdown overthinker

Day 99: The Same Bedroom. The Same Laptop.

“Thupuchukku Thupuchukku Bigg Boss…” – this is probably the alarm tone that we tend to hear every morning in our minds these days. Wait a minute… is it Monday? Or Tuesday? Well, who cares… it’s the Same Day. Everyday.

Welcome to the world’s largest (and unexpected) Bigg Boss – Sponsored by Covid-19, co-sponsored by ‘working from home-friendly’ IT offices and general societal paranoia!

Here also, your groceries and food are limited, and there is no contact  with the outside world. Our tasks are set by government and well, the ultimate Bigg Boss – Mr. God. Your task is complete social distancing and the general protocol set to avoid further spread. Unfortunately, in this huge worldwide Bigg Boss, you can only pray that all your co-contestants complete the task set every 14 days, as you can’t see or talk to them all, and if they don’t, out of no fault of yours, your lockdown jail term also keeps getting extended.

The start of this lockdown, I am sure, started off similarly for all of us. Enthusiastic fitness goals, learning a new skill, reading that book that we always wanted and of course, more time with the family! If you were like me, you probably lost that momentum somewhere in Lockdown 4.0 or whichever number we are at right now. Let’s say it, it’s okay. Lockdown can be maddening.

I know there are a lot of people struggling with practical day-to-day survival difficulties right now. My heart goes out to them and let us all try to help them out as much as possible. I know most of us are blessed with a house to live in and food at all times of the day and we need to be thankful for that much itself. While that is a 100% true, let me just say this justification does not work all the time with this mind of ours.

The problems that I am referring to are more to do with the mind, such as loneliness, a general sense of helplessness with how things are going, mental exhaustion and even just frustration at being locked up. Sometimes, it is good to acknowledge that yes, even these problems exist and it is okay to feel them. Trivializing these problems is like telling a guy with a toothache, that “hey, at least you did not lose a leg”. Yes, while you are right, my tooth still aches!

The way the mind works, during such isolation, has been a revelation to me. No wonder solitary confinement is given as a punishment in prison! Heights of overthinking, reliving arguments that happened 10 years ago, still cringing for having had a crush on that guy ages ago, lol. The list is endless… The mind is also a bit weird. While on such overthinking spree, suddenly the smell of carrot halwa which Amma is making, wafts into the bedroom and you’re like “Screw it” and the mind changes in an instant. Namaku sapadu dhan mukyam. 😉

We also come across some amazing stories of strength and friendships personally and by hearsay in this lockdown – the ability to rise up to a difficult situation when demanded, some unexpected strong friendships formed, handling others’ as well as own fears, practical difficulties we never knew existed until this lockdown came about, etc. Again, it is such a revelation the kind of strengths you never knew the mind has.

If anyone had told me at the beginning of 2020, that I would be working from home for 3 months straight, I would have not just laughed; I would have got full-on paranoid at the prospect. But here we are, on Day 99 still in the lockdown.

But we are still here, aren’t we?

If this lockdown has taught me anything, it is the fact that our mind has the immense capability to survive anything thrown at it, which you didn’t think possible. I am sure all of us reading this article would have realized that there is always a way to do anything in this lockdown, which we would have thought to be impossible otherwise. It may be as simple as the fact that the whole world is working from home, schools and colleges happening online, or even the board exams being cancelled. There is always a way, we just need to be pushed to it and we will adapt to it.

So let us just hang in there. And hope to see one another soon. Stay positive. Stay healthy. Peace.

Until then, let me go make that mushroom pasta recipe which I read today. 😛

PS: Guys, please don’t think I need a therapist or something. I am fine 😛